I’m here to write fearlessly about what it’s like to be a sexual woman in her seventh decade of life.
Tough to talk about senior sex
The paradigm of sex and aging is way outdated, and most seniors mistakenly believe they’re “too old for sex”. This belief dates back to the 19th century before women had the pill or the vote, and Viagra was only a wet dream. And until recently, the disparaging message has been: Old People Don’t Have Sex. So, writing about being a sexual woman in my later years feels dangerous, like I could be branded with an A and dunked until death.
Another reason it’s tough to write about sex in my 70s is that people rarely talk openly and honestly about sex at any age. Only with a very good friend will a woman discuss her husband’s responsiveness to her sexual needs. And who in their right mind would ask an older man if he’s still able to get it up? Talking about sexual matters is highly personal and often stirs up issues people would rather not discuss.
The joys of senior sex
To have great sex when you’re older, you have to let go of teenage ideas of what sex is all about—is it hard enough, big enough, did you come? What if I’m not attractive anymore? Am I a bad girl for wanting sex at my age? These are not the parameters seniors should use to define good sex because we are far beyond that in wisdom and experience.
Senior sex is about connection. . .the juicy, deeply satisfying kind of intimacy we long for all our lives. Being present with our beloved and the quality of our connection are what really matter. Mature sex is more about the presence you bring to the relationship than what you own or what you look like. These external descriptors lose their importance as we age, which allows the intimacy between lovers to unfold and deepen.
And best of all, senior sex is fun! After all these years of trying to be good in bed, we don’t have to take sex as seriously anymore. We can be playful. We can talk and laugh at the most inappropriate moments because having a good sense of humor is the hallmark of aging gracefully.
Finally, we’re able to release what I call “the tyranny of the erection,” where sex is focused on intercourse instead of the wonderful person who lies wrapped in your arms. Lovers can explore together what pleases them sexually. They can discover a world where there are 1,000 ways to orgasm and make time to experience them all. Contrary to popular opinion, our later years can be the sexiest of our lives.
The spiritual aspect of senior sex
No longer driven by performance, senior sex has the potential to be spiritual as well as sensual. Sex can become the sacred alchemical conjunction that Carl Jung describes wherein two opposites become one. Or a Sacred Energy eXchange, when lovers share ecstatic energy and orgasm through breath alone.
Perhaps we don’t talk about that kind of sex because it’s so powerful and beyond our current imagination. If everyone experienced this intimacy, there would there be no war, less addiction, and lower drug industry profits. People would choose to stay in blissful connection rather than go shopping, surf the net, or watch TV!
The unexpected bonus of senior sex
This potential for happiness late in life awaits us all. Who knew? Not me. Single at 62, I despaired that my days of love and romance were over. What I discovered instead was a vibrant social life, deeply personal connection, and the most exciting, satisfying sex I’d ever known. And ultimately, best of all, marriage to the love of my life. And, it’s not just me! I’ve interviewed many other seniors who are happier and sexier than ever before, and like me, were delightfully surprised. None of us saw it coming.
This capacity for loving, connected, orgasmic sex is in our genes, heart, and body, just waiting to be tapped. Humans are sexual beings from the womb until death. It is your birthright to be sexual and intimately connected with another person throughout adulthood and old age. It is the healthiest thing we do.
Follow the Path
Our bodies so love being touched that when denied it, we cry out for intimacy through outbursts of anger, aches and pains, depression, loneliness, and illness. I promise that if you choose the path to sensual intimacy, you will blossom into the loveliest of human beings.
Men and women alike, you will become the person you always wanted to be. Your eyes will brighten, your smile broaden, and, yes, you will walk with a spring in your step. You will feel young and vital, despite the ravages of age. I kid you not. Not only that but your health will improve. You will live longer while experiencing happiness beyond what you now imagine is possible.
We’d love to hear your comments about senior sex below!