Loving connected senior sex, senior couple in gentle embrace.

Kevin here. . .

Victoria, my Love. . .I am impressed by your post on the positive influences of sex on physical health. Your article was informative, well-researched, and convincing. Bravo!

In this post, I address the psychological benefits of loving sex. I present the thesis that loving connected sex is a true panacea for our mental health as we age. But since I have retired my medical practice, I choose to write from my own feelings, thoughts, and experiences rather than from statistics. And believe me, I have very strong opinions on this subject because our loving sexual connection is what keeps me sane!

Love is the answer

Our deep intimacy has finally healed my lifelong illusion that I am unlovable. Those childhood wounds had persisted almost 70 years, despite a life of achievement, honor, power, and 15 years of therapy. Yes, all those things helped, but it has only been my connection with you, dear Vicki, that finally banished those feelings. Each time we make love, I feel them recede further into the past as we join together into an exalted, ecstatic, single luminous being.

So much of what causes me pain in life comes from my ego: my monkey mind compares, judges, and complains and is so very afraid. Loving, connected sex with you, my Beloved, quiets my mind and soothes my ego. As we gaze into each others’ eyes, sharing breath and touch, my mind stills. The moment becomes all there is, and my fear dissipates. I become a kinder, happier, more generous person. . .the person I was meant to be.

Aging has presented me with so many challenges. My body aches. I have lost much function and so many skills. Things that sustained me for decades—work, children, sports—seem to bleed away. My body sickens, and my flesh sags, as if I am melting into the Earth. I am constantly reminded of my death soon to come.

And yet, in spite of all these losses, this is the best of times for me.

My mind and ego do not understand how this can be so. . .but my heart knows, and for that, I am deeply grateful.

I have at last learned to love with all my body, all my soul, and all my heart, and the rewards are immense. I will drink deeply from this sacred well for as long as I can. And, I will strive with stubborn persistence, my dearest, to keep our loving connection alive.

I hope this is the best of times for you too, Dear Reader. It can be when you open your heart to love. Start today.

Victoria here. . .

Dear Kevin, I cried when I read this—for your suffering and for how deeply our love has touched and transformed you. Our relationship seems to have a life of its own, one that works wonders when we show up with love.

The transformative power of love

I believe we are both learning that the transformative power of love is real. I’ve read about the power of love all my life, but I’ve never experienced it until now, with you. I am becoming a kinder, wiser, and more loving person as well. I am less judgmental, both of myself and of others, and so much happier this way.

Now, I catch myself before wanting to criticize you for nothing really. I realize it’s my own irritability, my own fear of not being good enough, that is bothering me. And then a wave of love comes over me, and what seemed so important only moments before dissolves, and I am left happily loving you again. What a blessing this is!

With you, I am learning there are many ways to make love. It’s been liberating to step outside the narrow confines of goal-directed, performance sex. Connecting with you through so many varieties of conscious touch and deep presence is intimate beyond anything I’ve known before. I have never felt as close to another human being.

Strive for intimate connection

Loving connection is there for whoever wants it, especially in old age when we are most open to intimacy. But you must be brave enough to take the risk that all change requires. It isn’t easy to grow after a lifetime, nor is it easy to buck the diminished expectations our society has of old folks. It is simpler to drift into senescence, have another drink, and watch TV. But it is not nearly as much fun!

If you want to expand your intimate connection, begin by doing new things:

  • Set aside a special time to be alone with your lover, without any other distraction, and invite them to join you.
  • When you are talking to each other, maintain eye contact, and listen deeply before you respond.
  • Ask permission and take turns stroking each other’s arm, face, or leg.
  • Pay attention to the texture of their skin and how they respond to your touch, asking for feedback.
  • Enjoy the simple pleasure of being intimate together.

What are ways that you and your lover maintain a loving connection? Let us know in the comments below!